how to craft deep, emotional prose ✍️ (WITH EXAMPLES) – a guest post by Saraina Whitney

In other words, here’s how to stop breaking your backspace button because you hate your prose. 😭

THERE IS HOPE, MY FRIEND!

I have ten of my favorite tips for you today, focused on…

• writing precise, powerful prose
• staying character-centric
• tugging at your readers’ emotions
• finding ✨ your unique style ✨

Look, I get it. Prose is equal parts exciting and frustrating. Sometimes writing just flows out of your fingertips like water, complete with all the right phrases and powerful descriptions and whatnot.

Other times, you nearly break the backspace button because your writing feels so stiff and lackluster. *sighs*

But hopefully after putting these tips to action, you’ll finally feel more confident in your prose.

Even on the bad days. Cause they’ll happen no matter how brilliant you are. 😜

#1. Learn your character’s voice.

How do your characters verbally express themselves? How do they think, talk, narrate their story?

Maybe their voice is eloquent and poetic, or effervescent and witty, or logical and blunt, or sarcastic and clipped, or rambly and reflective.

(It ultimately depends on their personality. But other factors play a part, such as the time period, their passions in life, their cultural background, and even their internal conflict. More on that in the next section. *winks*)

For me, what first unlocked the secrets of character voice was writing in first person present tense.

It deeply immerses me in the POV character’s head, because I’m imagining everything happening in real time through their eyes. Somehow it just adds a certain oomph to my descriptions.

I actually don’t write all my stories in the first person—my current project, a full-length novel, is told in the third person. (Currently, anyway.)

But sometimes when I hit a roadblock, I’ll switch to first person, which does wonders in getting me unstuck. Then I’ll go back and edit that writing, changing it to a third person past tense point-of-view to flow with the rest of the book.

Another brilliant technique for learning your character’s voice is to write journal entries as if you are your character. I’ve tried this and there’s a certain magic that comes when you let loose and just free-write about whatever comes to (your character’s) mind. Whether that be fanciful daydreams or traumatic memories or prayers or chronological accounts of things that happened in your character’s life. Don’t be afraid to go deep and get dark, because that’s when your character’s voice will really be unearthed. You want those raw, emotion-soaked lines, because that’s them at their truest self.

But don’t force it. Start with shallow, superficial things if need be. Like how your character ate porridge for breakfast this morning and decided to add cinnamon this time.

The point is to know your character’s individual, distinctive voice so that when you go to write their story, your reader is immersed in their head.

I promise it’s not as creepy as it sounds. 🤣

#2. Find the unique lens through which your character views the world.

It will be heavily influenced by their hobbies, careers, and pasts. Whatever they do all day, whatever they’re good at.

A painter might think about what shades they would mix to achieve the color of someone’s eyes. A mathematician might think about how perfectly symmetrical the person’s eyes are. The nurse might think about how healthy of a glow the eyes have. And the baker might think about how the color of their eyes reminds them of golden-brown biscuits.

I mean, maybe. I’m just shooting from the hip right now. 🤣

Of course, anyone could think these thoughts—but this is just an example of what the bent of your character’s thoughts might be. Once you settle on the general lens (or lenses plural—it could be multiple!) through which they view the world, you will know what kind of metaphors to use to pack the biggest punch!

On that note, try viewing descriptions as impressions instead of facts. A plane is a plane, right? But a little girl who’s never seen an airplane might view it as a white dragon swooping down to snatch her. That would be her impression.

(I think it was Abbie Emmons who said, “Describe how it feels, not how it is.” That’s a great thing to keep in mind!)

However, many descriptions don’t need this kind of creativity—for example, a businessman who regularly travels may not think twice about the plane. You’d just say “he boarded the plane,” taking no great pains to describe the plane, because describing it would serve no purpose. (Unless his father died in a plane crash. Then you might choose to write his emotionally-charged impression of the plane.)

Describe the things that matter, the things that add meaning and nuance to the story.

#3. Study and copy your favorite authors.

Yep. I said it.

I know we have an innate desire to create truly one-of-a-kind art, but in our quest for total originality, we sometimes forget that the best artists copy.

And that’s how they find their own style.

One of my favorite authors is Roseanna M. White, and whenever I read her books, I can’t help going slow to savor all the powerful descriptions and prose. It’s an incredible blend of simple and poetic, so conversational and full of emotion.

Another of my favorite authors is Karen Witemyer, and whenever I read her books, I marvel at the way she weaves humor into her prose. Her vocabulary is somehow so distinguishable.

When I read Lucy Maud Montgomery, it’s the flowery descriptions that get me. I don’t gloss over them, I LIVE FOR THEM.

But I’m also in awe of C.S. Lewis’s style of childlike simplicity, the way he writes as though he’s talking to a little kid. It’s the opposite of flowery, and I love it.

If it isn’t obvious by now, I don’t exclusively love one kind of prose. I’m influenced by many elements of many different styles, and together, that combines to make my unique style of prose.

Your homework for today: read passages from your favorite books and write a list of each element you truly love about the prose, about the way it’s written. Then experiment with deliberately adding those elements into your own writing (you can write a short story for the sole purpose of this exercise, or you can just use your current WIP 😉 ).

Steal the things you love, and throw out the elements you’re not drawn to.

COPY MAKES PERFECT. 😛

(In fact, you can try literally copying certain passages that catch your attention, so you get a sense for how it feels to write that way.)

This exercise will strengthen your writing skills and bring you closer to finding your “style.”

#4. The power of metaphors.

Metaphors are powerful because they state things as they are…whereas similes always use “like” or “as” to paint a comparison. So instead of “his eyes became sharp, like a razor edge,” a metaphor would be “his eyes turned into razors.” And “her smile was bright as the sun” would become “her smile was the sun.” I’m still working on this in my own writing, and I find that it always brings a new level of immersion and precision! ✨

That said, that similes exist for a reason. They deserve their time to shine, so don’t get backspace-happy and cut them all out! There are a lot of brilliant similes out there, and sometimes a metaphor just won’t work as well.

#5. Imagine your story is a movie.

Picture your story playing in your head as you write…

And just write what you see.

The trick is that you don’t have to describe everything, just the things the camera zooms in on. Just the characters’ impressions of what they see and do.

#6. Let your character’s past bring emotion & meaning to their present.

Bringing up important and meaningful memories is a quick and natural way to enrich your prose and dig deeper with emotions!

Maybe someone’s smile reminds your character of her late mother’s smile, naturally leading to a rabbit trail in the character’s thoughts that colors what they’re doing right now.

Just make sure the memories and flashbacks are giving meaning to the present moment. Be intentional.

#7. Practice making your descriptions *precise*.

Precise prose is when you call a color raspberry instead of just red/pink. It’s being specific.

It’s the subtle difference between a fragile smile and a brittle smile. Between your pulse leaping at your throat and your pulse clawing at your throat. Between tears welling in your eyes and tears blinding you. Between a pale face and a bone-white face.

They’re small differences, but when you choose the most narrow, specific description you can, the one that leaves little room for misinterpretation, the more powerful your prose will become.

#8. Stop stressing about coming up with never-before-heard descriptions.

I know I just said to use precise prose.

HOWEVER. That doesn’t mean you need to come up with the most original, unique description ever to describe the exact color of your character’s eyes.

Just go with whatever fits that moment in your story best. It could be something wildly cliche.

In this case, “chocolate brown” eyes. 🤣

Readers won’t care, my friend. Not if it fits right.

Go with your gut—read your writing aloud and see what sounds best, what flows best. Don’t spend an hour racking your brain over how to say your hero trembled without stating it so baldly.

Just say he trembled. 😂

I’m not going to say fresh, unique descriptions are overrated. I love them as much as you do, believe me. But it’s so easy to get caught up seeking brilliant new ways to phrase sentences that you lose sight of the story itself.

Don’t stress it. Your story’s worth doesn’t lie in how many unique descriptions it has, and precise prose doesn’t always mean unique.

#9. Don’t discredit “simple writing.”

Some of the most poignant and powerful stories I’ve read were written in a simplistic style. C.S. Lewis is a classic example of this. In The Chronicles of Narnia, his writing is so understated and simple. And it fits the story.

There is no one right style of writing, and you don’t need to force your prose into something it’s naturally not. That’s not to say you shouldn’t try new things and grow your skills…

But it’s also okay to embrace what comes most naturally to you, and become as skilled as you can with that style of writing.

#10. As important as prose is…it’s not as important as your story.

There is no one right style of prose. And if I’m being honest, I’ve read BEAUTIFUL stories that have “unremarkable” prose. But the plain writing didn’t detract from the story itself.

Why?

Because prose isn’t supposed to steal the whole spotlight from the actual STORY.

So don’t let fear of unremarkable prose cripple you from writing your stories. We’re often the worst judges of our own writing, thinking it’s atrocious when it actually has so much potential.

Prose is just the packaging. The story is what lies beneath, the heart and soul and bones. And that’s what will really stay with your readers. <3

✨ bonus: my favorite examples ✨

We all like to see examples, right? Here are some excerpts that show some of these tips at play!

from Yours is the Night by Amanda Dykes

There was mud on her cheek. Sun on her hair. I watched as she, in burdened silence, knelt at a spring and cupped her hands. Scratches and scrapes from the night before screamed angry red. She gathered clearest water in them, bringing it to her face.

It was the simplest action. The sky did not rend. The ground did not shake.

But I rended. I shook.

Standing there on God’s green earth, beholding something pure and good and true—it was air to my scorched lungs.

my notes

• You can use “was.” I know in high school you learned to avoid that word at all costs when writing your essays…but this is fiction. Some might hate me for saying this, but fiction is ultimately driven by emotion and feeling, not so much rules and guidelines. You don’t want your beautiful story to read like a stiff and structured English paper. 😬 Sometimes that means giving yourself permission to use “was.”
• However, wield those powerful verbs like a weapon. Dykes could have written that the scratches and scrapes “were an angry red.” But no. They scream angry red. Look for chances to replace those inactive verbs with something strong when the story calls for it.
• Simple, short sentences hold a kind of power that flowery, long ones don’t. You remember those short lines that punch you in the gut. (At least, the lines “But I rended. I shook” stuck with me long after I finished the book. 😭)
• The sight wasn’t like air to Matthew’s scorched lungs. It WAS air. (That’s what I mean what I say metaphors hit hard, because they describe things as they ARE, not as they could be.)

from Veiled in Smoke by Jocelyn Green

Meg sent him a smile while appraising him from an artist’s perspective, noting the exact shade of blue in his eyes, the proportions of his lean frame, the sun’s glint in his hair, and his tapered fingers, one stained with ink.

my notes

This is a perfect example of writing descriptions using the unique lens through which your characters view the world. It’s the artist in Meg that notices these details about Nate—and she’s not even trying. It’s her default setting. (The mention of the ink-stained finger is the cherry on the top.)

The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale

The pacing queen directed ministers and physicians to the crib. They listened to her breathing and her hummingbird heart, felt her fierce grip and her tiny fingers soft as salamander skin. All was sound. But her eyes did not open.

***

When the third day had worn away to the lake blue of evening, a hand parted the nursery curtains.

my notes

This is a golden example of precise, specific prose.

It could have been written as: They listened to her breathing and the rapid beat of her heart, felt her tight grip and her soft, tiny fingers.”

But instead, Hale gets very specific, with the phrases “her hummingbird heart, her fierce grip, soft as salamander skin, the lake blue of evening…“

(THAT LAST ONE IS SO BEAUTIFUL! *sobs* )

Not only do these specific descriptions paint a vivid picture, they also add to the earthy atmosphere of this book. It’s grounded in nature, and the words “hummingbird,” “salamander,” and “lake” bring that aesthetic to mind.

* * *

Whose prose inspires and influences your own writing? Are there powerful descriptions or certain phrases that have stuck with you long after you first read it? Have you read any of the books I mentioned? Which tip is your favorite?

Works cited:

Dykes, Amanda. Yours is the Night, page 251. Bethany House, 2021.

Green, Jocelyn. Veiled in Smoke, page 16. Bethany House Publishers, 2020.

Hale, Shannon. The Goose Girl, page 1. Bloomsbury U.S.A. 2003